The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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