i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
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LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
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Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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