You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Randomize
