when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Randomize
