now i know why i became what i already was.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
