fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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