just come out here and I will go home with you...
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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