If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
