Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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