so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
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