When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
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I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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