fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
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