YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
