your thong is hanging out like whoa
I am puke
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Randomize
