so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Randomize
