I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
