Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
