What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
