"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
There are leaves in my underwear?
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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