You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
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