I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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