....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
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