I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
