I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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