I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
