This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
