so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
I am full of burrito and curiosity
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
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