I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Randomize
