when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Randomize
