Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
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I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
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i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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