and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
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