mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
