Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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