Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
