Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
