It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
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Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
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I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
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