everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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