Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
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