Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
vagina is talking i cant
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
