He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Every concussion has its silver lining
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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