i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Randomize
