WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
