her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Randomize
