I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
