It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
not ubering you a puppy
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
