i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
