in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Randomize
