I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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