hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
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