i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
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