man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
