You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
