he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
