i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
