Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
