I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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