I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
