Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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