his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
