He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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