three words: i give head
three words: not that well
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
