I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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