I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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