I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
