matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
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