I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
