Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
