Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
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