Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
My vagina is officially offended.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
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