Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
You did what with his pubic hair?
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