I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Randomize
