If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize