there's paper in my vomit.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
