A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
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he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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