I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
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