see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Randomize
