first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
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