those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
