Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
