Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Randomize
