I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
