Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
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How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
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told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
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